tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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