Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
