dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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