Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
