I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
