FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
