He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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