wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
