omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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