its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
