the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
