were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
