Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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