"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
