I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
