What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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