do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
