In the future we'll all be gay
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
