she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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