this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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