someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
