smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
