on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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