Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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