He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
