We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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