its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
