textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
