One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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