found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize