It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize