I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize