she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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