and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
