Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
