It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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