definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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