Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
