like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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