I wish my penis had an off switch
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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