I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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