A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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