Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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