im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
