if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
