i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
