"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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