if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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