She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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