At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you made out with another girl for some wings
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
