i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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