Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
