I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Alive.
So much puke
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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