Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
