I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
