Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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