i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
