woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
