I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize