I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
