And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
