I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We need to get me chipped asap
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
