im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
