i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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