Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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