is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize