Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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