"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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