i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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