im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
