nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
