I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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