I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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