I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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