Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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