Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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