My friends, they love my intelligence
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
