I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
