just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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