the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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